Suddenly...eating has become a task that is hard to do.
Either I am just not hungry or I really dun feel like eating.

Maybe you think I just just being too emotional,too dramatic or anything.
But what I am feeling is true,so quit poking.

Today is our 18th(+1) month anniversary.
Our first anniversary that we are not together.

I miss Jason alot,I really do.

I have been holding my tears from yesterday since we met till we part.
When he kissed me gd bye there,I almost wanted to stop him from turning his back on me and leave.
Sigh!

When the clock strikes 9.30pm,I became very anxious and panicky.
I knew he would call his mother first,but of coz.

When he finally called,though I was trying to laugh over the phone..I am already all teary on this line.

7 mins 01 sec,we chatted only for this long till he must leave coz the sergeant called.

At around 10.20pm plus,he called again.

This time ...he was different.
He already broke down to tears.
My heart shattered to pieces and even finer dust...hearing him cry.

I wanted to cheer him up so I wished him Happy 18th month eve,and he cried.
He told me...he is so sorry that he couldnt be by my side..and misses me alot...

That I realised one thing.
When the one you love is crying,it hurts more badly than you crying alone,and much more painful that you arent there to wipe his tears.

2 mins 35 secs.
We ended the call.

I cried badly.
I dunno what time I finally went to sleep.

When I awoke,it's only 8.30am.I thought I have sleep for a very long time.So I closed my eyes trying to sleep the day away,but only to wake up every one hour wishing it's at least noon.

Somehow,if possible,I dun wanna cry.
Coz somehow I believe that when I cried,he would cry too coz he can feel my pain and vice versa.

Just like when I finally stop crying last night,I knew he must have finally went to sleep.

Maybe I am wrong.But I would like to contain this belief.

I guess the later days...the trainings and everything would take his mind away.At least it would occupied his mind for a good while.By the end of the day,he would be tired.
And somehow..that's good,coz I dun want him to feel any emotion pain inside.

Our separation is so short as compared to many...So I believe that we can pass it.

He asked me something,almost came as a plead,which is something I would have done without asking as well.

He asked in tears...if I come to Pasir Ris and fetch him that Saturday.

of coz...

then I realised too...my boo is not as strong as he always seem.
that he is quite an indirect person too.
he didnt always put what he wants in words.
he would rather let me run all over him than to tell me that he is angry,sad,upset with me too.

He is one son not only his mother is very proud of,but his aunties and even my parents.

You wouldnt imagine what auntie said to me...all those words that would put me to shame for hurting Jason and even owing him.

I bet she didnt tell Jason all these...I see a mother...who is very very proud of her son.Despite she has two sons,she is always prouder of Jason and more worried for his brother.

I felt a mother's pride.
I would imagine that she too,is very sad.

Why is time so slow.
A normal 24 hours seem to mutiply by 2 or 3.

I miss...Jason...alot.